The Stark Who Didn't Like Musicals
by artificial.and.awe
Summary: AU::: Tony Stark does not like musicals. It doesn't have a tragic backstory, he just, doesn't like them. Imagine the happiness he felt when he realized his friends and fellow civilians were becoming zombies. Singing zombies. Oh joy.
1. Act I

The Stark Who Didn't like Musicals

_A/N_

_I would like to point out ahead of time, this is based off the wonderful musical, called The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals. Produced by Starkid, you can find it for free online. I highly suggest it. Since this is based off musicals there are times where the songs will be put __**in**_ _the dialogue (__**If it's in italics and bold, like this)**_ _If I decide that the song is too long, I'll just post a link to the recorded version of the song. Since this is a marvel AU, certain characters from the musical, the barista, is changed into a boy in the au, for plot purposes. Now that that's out of the way. Enjoy!_

-JJ

"_Did you hear the word?"_

"_What's the word?"_

"_He's a-coming."_

"_Who's a-coming?"_

"_Stark's a-coming."_

"_Stark's a-coming?"_

"_**The Star Of The Show."**_

Tony straightened his tie as he looked into the smear covered mirror, only half listening to the radio which played on low volume behind him.

He turned his head away from the mirror due to the familiar sound of the news anchors' voices.

"In other news, Peanuts the squirrel, had managed to make a miraculous recovery, and his owner from Turney's Track Equipment, has started a GoFundMe to- and get this Don, A _squirrel house _for him."

Tony let a small grin escape onto his face, "Aw Peanuts!" He took a quick glance in the mirror, and winked at his reflection before heading out of the door.

"-And that's all for Hatchet-Fields local news, I'm Dana-"

"And I'm Don!"

As he was typing on his company courtesy computer, he heard his co-worker Sharon pick up the phone, and slowed down his speed to overhear. _What? He couldn't help it._

"Steve? Oh! hello sweetie, how's the precinct doing?" He could see Sharon's shoulders slump with whatever her husband had said.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She stopped for a few moments making a few affirmative noises before her back straightened.

"Well, how late?" Whatever He said, it did _not_ make her happy. "But sweetheart!-" She lowered the phone and spoke quietly into the phone

"-Tonight's cuddle night." She sighed before she spoke again, a petulant tone to her voice, "But that's what you said last month, and we missed last month!" She paused for a moment.

"And the month before that."

Tony saw her face drop, before she plastered a fake smile on, "Alright, maybe tomorrow night?" An optimistic note in her voice emerged, which calmed Tony's mind.

According to the phone calls he had heard over the past week, Steve was an _asshole, _and Sharon had been blown off every night.

"Right, right we should stick to the schedule. Next month then."

She had a small bittersweet smile on her face, Tony noticed.

"Alright baby, just remember to be safe because I love-" She stopped.

"Steve?"

Oh. _that bastard hung up on her_.

"-You."' She finished half heartedly to herself before sitting back down.

Understanding this really wasn't Tony's business, he sat back down, because without realizing he had stood and pressed his ear to the cubicle wall to hear better., and began typing once more.

"Hey, Tony?" Rhodey's head peeked from above the cubicle walls, which was no easy feat, considering the walls were no shorter than about five feet, up to Tony's neck.

"Yeah?" Tony called back, while typing onto his computer at a relentless speed.

"I tried to print something, and I think it might've gone to your printer, can you check for me?"

Tony furrowed his eyebrows, and lowered his hands to the right side of his chair to the tray of his printer, to feel three or four sheets of paper.

"Yep, here you go." Tony smiled a toothy, yet unenthusiastic grin as he handed the papers over.

Rhodey smiled and reached out to take them. "Thanks man!"

Upon further inspection, the papers appeared to be… Some type of ticket, _Airplane maybe? _ Before he could question him, Rhodey had already begun to answer.

"I'm getting my daughter Alice this weekend, her mother took her to NY for a week, and they saw-" He put on a mocking face for emphasis, "-Hamilton!" Tony could see Rhodey was upset, and attempted to think of ways to reassure him.

Ever since Rhodey had divorced with his wife, Catherine,a few years ago, they had both been fighting for their daughter's affection. They were high school sweethearts, and were more alike than anyone could have known, and that was the downfall to their relationship too.

Tony reached out and patted Rhodey's shoulder, "Hey, it's alright man, Alice loves yo-"

Rhodey cut him off before he could finish his sentence, _Rude._

"I know it's alright!" He waved the tickets in the air excitedly for emphasis. "That's why I got these!"

He spoke through his smile, "Official tour tickets at Hatchet-Fields very own, Starlight theater! For Mamma Mia!"

His gaze turned towards Tony with a look of inspiration, "Hey, maybe you could come with us! Alice loves you! Remember when you used to babysit her all the time? She thought you were so cool, maybe you could talk me up a bit, about how her old man is cool too!"

Tony looked at Rhodey for a moment, before replying, "Um, No."

Rhodey's face dropped instantly, "Oh you have plans already?"

Tony shook his head, "No."

Rhodey's look was filled with confusion, and a bit of hurt. "So you would rather do _nothing _than Mamma Mia with my daughter and I?"

Tony face grimaced, "Rhodey, I'd rather do anything than watch Mamma Mia. I hate musicals, the idea of being trapped, watching people sing and dance out their problems for hours is like a personal hell for me."

Rhodey's face hadn't changed. "Oh. Okay then." He sunk back into the confines of his cubicle without another word.

Tony couldn't help it, he felt a little sympathy for the guy, but there was no way in _hell_ he was sitting through two hours of song.

"Hey, I'm going to make a stop at Beanies. I'll get you something on the house, what do you want?" He patted Rhodey on the shoulder and smiled at him.

"I just want my daughter to love me."

"How 'bout a caramel frap? Nothing better!" Tony smiled a little awkwardly before heading towards the direction of his office elevator.

Right before he was stopped by Clint.

He and his co-workers were sure that he climbed through the air vents or something, since none of them have ever seen him actually walk around the office.

Tony through a tense smile on his face before he turned towards Clint.

"Hi Clint."

"Hello Tony."

Tony froze, unsure of whether that was all to the conversation.

"Where are you going Tony." It was confusing how Clint's questions always turned out to sound more like statements than, well, questions.

"Uh, Beenies, Do you want to come?"

Clint replied without hesitation, "No, no, I wouldn't want to show you up."

Tony stood, confused. "What do you mean? _Show me up?_"

"I know why you don't just go to the Starbucks across the street every day."

Tony scoffed, " I just don't like giving money to Corporate Companies. That's all."

"Yeah." Clint smiled, "- What about the uh, Latte Hot-te?" He formed his fingers into ok symbols and smirked knowingly at him.

"Bye Clint." And Tony took off _running. _

"Aye get me a chai iced tea will ya?"

"Tony?"

"Ugh, fine."

"Hi, how can I help you today?" Bucky gave a practiced smile to the customer on the other side of the counter while drying a few leftover dishes that his coworker rumlow left out.

"Yeah can I get a large iced caramel latte, no drizzle with foam on top, and a medium chai latte with three pumps hazelnut and two pumps vanilla?"

Going over the order in his head Bucky nodded, "No problem, coming right up. That'll be $5.50" He began to walk over to the various machines to get started on the drinks.

"Jesus Fine." He stressed the last syllable before chuckling. "Hey, I tipped you."

Bucky narrowed his eyes out of the customers' sight, "Thank you, than."

Out of his peripheral he could see the man frown. "That means you owe me a song. That's what the sign says."

No matter how hard he wished, when Bucky turned to look at the jar, the blasted white board was still there. In loopy black and pink writing it read _Tip For Song. _

Bucky gave a tense smile at the customer. "Yeah, the boss headed out to Cold Stone Creamery. Hence the whole singing and dancing thing. But you know, there's a line, and we're kind of busy so.." He let the words trail off in hopes for the man to drop it.

The customer propped an arm on the counter, "C'mon sing."

_Guess dropping it is out of the question._

"Well did you tip to be nice or to be an asshole?" Looking back on it, that's probably not the best thing to say to a paying customer but, it's only %5.50 anyway.

The man looked justifiably angry, although Bucky would never say that out loud. "_Fine_, I'll take it back than!"

Bucky drew a fake pout and snarked back at the man, "Oh no! What am I gonna do without that _one dollar."_

At this point Bucky was surprised the man didn't have steam pouring from his ears. "You know what, I'm never coming here again! That signs _bullshit."_

"_Ohmigosh so me-an." Bucky held the last word for a bit longer before flipping the ex-customer off. There aren't any policies for people who aren't paying._

Sighing, Bucky turned to the sink full of dirty mugs and got to work.

"What the hell was that?" _Oh shit._

Bucky's boss, Brock Rumlow emerged from the staff room. Immediately, Bucky began to defend himself.

"That guy was being a dick! Just because I wouldn't sing some stupid song!"

Apparently, based off Rumlow's pissed off look, the defending didn't do anything.

In one last desperate plea he attempted to reason with him, Bucky kept speaking, "Can't Loki just do the singing? This is a stupid idea anyway!" Bucky's tone slowly became more agitated the longer he spoke, turning into a near shout by the end of his sentence.

Loki confidently strided out of the break room and into the conversation. "I think it's a great idea Brock." Rumlow smirked and thanked him silently.

"Why aren't you working?" Bucky pointedly glared at Loki, raising his hands to show the rag he held.

Loki smiled "I'm on vocal rest."

"What?"

"I _said I'm on-" _ He stopped, in realization that he spoke t loud during his "resting period."

"GOd damnit Bucky now I have to make a tea with honey!" He rushed back into the room he had only recently come out, the doors slamming with a resounding echo.

Rumlow and Bucky turned their gazes from the doors back to each other. "Well if you don't like singing you must mean you don't like your _job." _

Bucky scoffed and went back to work, covering his hands with soapy blue bubbles.

Brock continued on, "You know what just don't bother showing up to your next shift."

_Is he kidding?_ Bucky was panicking internally, but it must have showed on the outside a little bit since Brock was smirking victoriously at his face.

"No! no , no, no, no!" Bucky sighed, "I will, _do the singing." _

He smiled, a little too many teeth showing to be friendly. "You're damn right you will, now move your ass, you've got a line." He gave a sharp glare before he turned to go follow out after Loki. _Those two are __**so**_ _fucking._

Giving one last groan he turned back to the counter, and was… slightly in awe.

The man was, confident to say the last. He walked with the pride of someone born to stand above others, which would be more unnerving if he weren't so… _short. _His dress pants were clearly hemmed for a shorter man, and his blazer hung over his shoulders, two or three sizes big.

He grinned and looked at Bucky, clasping his hands behind his back.

"I've got an easy one for you, just a large black coffee." He smiled seemingly proud for giving her such an easy order.

_Thank god his voice didn't crack when he spoke._

Tony smiled at the employee before he turned around, Little did "Bucky" know, Tony had been watching him for the past few weeks.

That came out creepier than he intended.

What Tony means, is that Bucky is _hot._ Not to mention, has a very impressive sense of humour based on how he handled the rude customer. He took back his tip just because Bucky wouldn't sing. _Speaking of tips…_

Tony looked at the sad, nearly empty jar. A few bucks could help, right? He dropped a crumpled five dollar bill into the jar. Bucky however, saw this and scoffed, before turning with his arms crossed.

"Really? Fine."

Bucky took a deep breath before making some exaggerated movements, reflecting a kettle.

"_I've been brewing up your coffe-"_

"Oh! No, no, no! You don't have to do that!" Tony rushed to explain, _Jesus Bucky must think he's an asshole._

Bucky, hands still raised in the air, looked suspiciously on at Tony, eyebrows furrowed.

"You...don't want me to sing?" His hands slowly lowering, almost dejectedly at his sides.

At this point Tony's eyes were blown wide, _Why could he never say he right things!_

"Well I mean you could if you wanted! I jus- I just tipped because… because people should tip." _Wow, be more awkward Tony. _He mentally face palmed before looking lamely up at Bucky a dopey grin on his face.

Bucky looked increasingly shocked the more Tony had spoke, "Thanks, for you know… not being an asshole. Well maybe you are, how much did you tip?"

He reached his _smooth, smooth _hands into the jar. His eyebrows shoot up, "_Five dollars? Wow." _

_He glanced around before looking back to Tony, "You left this for me right? Not for those other guys?" _

_Tony instantly agreed, "Yeah, I don't give a shit about those guys." _Bucky smiled at him, and _holy shit Bucky has an amazing smile. _

Bucky busied himself with the coffee press before turning back t Tony, "I've seen you in here quite a lot haven't I?"

Tony grinned, maybe he _did _have a chance. "Yeah, my name is Tony, I uh… noticed the, um, scuffle you got in with your co-workers."

He saw Bucky smirking before He had even fully turned, "Scuffle? Yeah I guess you could say that, it's just-" He paused and narrowed his eyes searching for the right words, "-I'm so fed up of _Loki, and all his little theatre friends._ They won't stop talking about this production of 'Godspell' they did last summer.

Tony perked up, "At the rec centre? I think I had to see that, it was _horrible. Godspell_, more like _God Awful_.

Bucky laughed, loud and open, before replying "Yeha! Or like God _damn that was bad!" _They both laughed, and God that was just what Tony needed.

He sobered up from the 'happy high' before speaking, "Yeah, musicals just… aren't my thing. I feel trapped you know?"

Bucky nodded as if taking it into consideration, before smiling and handing Tony a coffee cup. "I think I do get it. Anyway, one large black coffee. Thanks for cheering me up, I needed it."

Tony winked before taking his cup and walking out of the door, but not before hollering a 'see you next time'. He stepped out side of Beanies, before furrowing his eyebrows.

_Shit. _He forgot Rhodey's coffee.

Eh. Fuck Rhodey.


	2. Act II

Act II

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and before he could blink, he was getting ready for work again.

"_There's been a new development, a meteor has crashed right in the heart of Hatchetfield. Starlight Theatre suffered the brunt of the damage, with a large crater left in the-"_

Tony flicked off the television, cutting the reporter off mid-sentence, _it wasn't important anyway._

Fastening his tie, he walked out of the door.

Into hell.

LA DEE DAH DAY (Tony is the one who looks like he's about to cry)

"This is ridiculous!" Rhodey paced around the table, angry waves practically pouring off of him, as he vented to a disinterested Clint, and a distracted Sharon, who was pouring sugar into a pot of coffee.

"I get my daughter for one week a month, and she wants to spend the whole time with her girlfriend! Liz! So I say, _bring Liz along, we'll all go see the show, _and would you believe it, that night a giant meteor crashes into the theatre! _Mama Mia!" _

He stopped to turn over to Sharon, who had poured nearly the whole container into the pot.

He paused "Uhm, Sharon? You got enough c-coffee in the sugar?" SHaron raised her head, as if she had only just realized Rhodey was talking to her and looked down at the pot.

"Oh! My bad, I'll go make another pot." She laughed awkwardly, and turned to empty out the coffee pot. "Coffee in the suger, Rhodes you're a riot." Still slightly unnerved, turned to the door, which was slammed open with a large crash. There stood Tony, hair wind blown and face covered with sweat.

Tony stood up straight, his posture rigid, before he approached his co-workers.

"It wouldn't happen to be some kind of… I don't know, Canadian holiday? Like, I don't know, International _music day?_"

Rhodey furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't think so, why?" That seemed to set Tony off, as an almost manic look appeared in his eyes.

"It's nothing, I just-" He paused, and fiddled with his hands. "-saw some people dancing, and-_and singing_, all choreographed an-and it kind of fr-"

"Like a flash mob?" Clint interrupted. Tony perked up, "Yeah, that must be it!"

With a renewed sense of safety he walked over to the counter, where Sharon was brewing another pot. Upon closer inspection she seemed to be..._crying?_

"_Sharon are you okay?" _She jolted up, and looked around nervously before her eyes settled on Tony.

"Yeah... " She spoke. Tony thought she was finished talking and begun to turn away when she spoke again.

"It's just-" She sighed and put the coffee pot down.

"I was waiting for my husband, Steve to get home, he said he'd be back late last night."

Clint snorted, "He didn't get home at all last night." Feeling the others critical stares however, he mended his statement, "Not that I would know...I wasn't there."

Sharon coughed before she continued, "So, Steve got home around two or three o'clock this morning, and...he was singing! Now, my Steve isn't a bad singer, just a little flat, but-" She paused and sniffled, before continuing.

"But, this morning, he sounded like and angel." Tony whipped his head up and looked at Sharon through narrowed eyes, "Do you remember... what he was singing?"

Sharon turned, confused, to look at Tony. "It was just a silly little tune, like, uhm, _La dee dah-"_

"_Da day?" _Tony finished her sentence for her, and knew he said the right thing when her eyes widened.

"Oh no…" _This was bad, very very bad. Something was wrong just wha-"_

The P.A system crackled to life. " to 's office. to Mr.-"

Tony paused, "Shoot! I forgot to hand in my weekly report! is going to lose it!"

Clint laughed from his seat at the table as Tony walked out of the staff room. "You're screwed, man!"

WHAT DO YOU WANT PAUL

Tony dry heaved on the sidewalk outside of the building.

"I'm hallucinating! I have to be! Better yet-" He took his keys to his car out of his wallet. "-I'm still dreaming! I need to wake up! I know, coffee! A nice cup of black coffee! No cream, no sugar, _nothing!" _ Tony was crying, while laughing, which probably looked ridiculous to any onlookers, however, the streets were strangely deserted.

Ignoring this fact, he headed to Beanies.

Tony burst through the front door, a loud ring from the bell showing his strength. Walking op to the front counter, he slammed his hand on the table.

"HELLO!" he screamed. Throat raw, and hoarse, most likely from the screaming that had happened mere minutes ago.

"_**Black coffee, I'm your coffee ga-**_"

"NO." _Not him._Tony thought, his thoughts pounded in his head. _Not him too._

Bucky startled and placed down the coffee press.

With a bewildered look he replied."Okay, okay-wait! I remember, you're Tony, right? The guy who doesn't like musicals." he said with a sense of finality. Proud of his memory.

He pushed aside the happy pang he got, _he remembered my name, _and focused on the more important things.

Tony gripped his shoulders from across the counter, a no-doubt uncomfortable position for the both of them. "Bucky! I need to tell you something!" He paused.

"It might not _sound_ scary. But, if you think about the implications, it is. _Please tell me you'll think about the implications!"_

"_Alright! Okay…" _Bucky looked slightly terrified, eyes wide, and his brows furrowed cautiously.

"Now, I'm going to tell you something." _Hatchetfield is turning into a musical._

"-And it might not _sound_ scary, but if you think about the implications." By this point Bucky was struggling to release Tony's hold on him, cautiously shaking his arms, staring at Tony with wide eyes.

"_Promise me you'll think about the implications." _ Nervous chuckles were spilling unintentionally from his throat.

"I think-" his hands flew in nervous gestures, giving Bucky the chance to leave, he immediately taking a step back, but not leaving the conversation.

"-The world is turning into a _musical._" He finished, Bucky would believe him, Bucky would _have_ to believe him.

Bucky stood, unblinking, unmoving, before he finally was shocked out of his trance.

"Okay, Tony, maybe you should sit dow-"

"_**Bucky!" **_

Bucky let a flash of relief flicker through his expressions before he turned to Tony.

"Oh, no, ugh, Tony I got to do this stupid tip song!" It was not stupid, Bucky was _thrilled_ that he had time to think this over.

CUP OF ROASTED COFFEE

Bucky stared from his spot where he was kneeling on the floor, looking over petrified to Tony.

"-_Why are they __singing__?" _The voice sounded so broken, so… _terrified_ that Tony couldn't just leave him, even if he was still partly upset that Bucky hadn't believed him. However, it's not exactly an easy thing to swallow.

"We have to run, Bucky! _Now!"_

"_**Hey , how do you-"**_

"_**How do you-"**_

"_**How do you do-"**_

"_**We'll make a double for you!" **_


End file.
